There are moments that I feel I need to hang onto a bit stronger these days. Moments are starting to race by at a break necking pace and I feel like they are slipping. The kids are growing too fast. The days are vanishing into thin air. I need to start a video and let run all day so I can just have a moment to look back on. When you become a parent…when you become a mom, you hold on to certain moments in your day that some people don’t. I’ll be honest. Most of all of them have to do with your babies. They are your centre. They are your universe. They make you tick.
My babies are growing to fast. Its heartbreaking. Miss M will be 3 in less then 1 month. Baby B is turning from a baby to a toddler. There are moments that happen and my stomach turns. I don’t want this to the last time in my life I experience this. I don’t want this to be the last time I see him walk for the first time, say words, react, love, live. I want her to slow down. She is so smart. She is so innocent. If anyone breaks her heart…words cannot describe what I would do.
I hold onto moments like they are never coming back. I rock him at night sad thinking one day this will end.
I see my baby girl and she is so big that those baby moments seem like they were years and years ago.
He is just right behind her.
He stopped nursing…devestating. That was the last thin string that was attaching us to those newborn days. That was the last thing that made me feel that he only needed me for the moments. Only needed me for those needs of comfort. So the questions raises….. Do we go down that road again?. Do we jump in with both feet?
Undecided. Still to this day and that makes me think maybe we shouldn’t. If we aren’t sold to do so. Correction…If I’m not.
Do I want another for the right reasons? Is it more just me not wanting to let go of the past? Just not wanting to admit that amazing stage of my life is over. I won’t be pregnant again, I won’t experience giving birth. I won’t have that moment when that newborn is placed of your chest for the first time.
But am I not doing it for the right reasons? More craziness. 2 is just so perfect. Larger vehicle? Do we have the space? Am I healthy enough? Am I messing with a good thing?
I hang on to the moments now as I think….where do we go next?